I just finished watching PS I love you, and staying true to tradition, i didnt cry. I barely ever cry at anything anymore. I can't seem to muster up enough strength to cry. Instead of crying though, i now find myself left with this gaping whole inside of me. I could lie and say that i don't know why that is, or why it's there, but in truth, i know full well. I'm lonely. I'm surrounded by so many people, with a perpetual smile on my face, and an ever ready kind word to give to anyone who might be in need of it; but in truth, i'm lonely. I'm so lonely. I'm tired of doing it on my own. I just want someone to hold me, to provide me with a cocoon, a safe haven from the world, if only for a while. Someone to lie to me, saying that everything's gonna be alright, if only to make me feel momentarily better.

Sometimes i ask myself, why the hell can i not just screw principles!? So what if i don't quite believe in dating? If it would help get rid of this ache inside, this gaping whole i can't quite seem to seal...then why the hell not?! But then again, i'm me. Enough said. I guess as the saying goes, "this too shall pass", and i'll be fine tmr. I have to be, cause no one's gonna do it for me.

Tomorrow i'll paste a smile on my face, put on a masquerade, pretending that everything's all fine and dandy. But that's tomorrow. For now, i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, hoping that tonights rain will wash away this pain, leaving me with tomorrow, a brand new day. A clean slate.

and truly for now? I guess what Patricia says in the movie really is true: