Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song
Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies
I want to walk with you, on a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee kigh
So won't you try to come
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
And I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you to come away with me in the night
Come away with me


Norah Jones.

If only.

The worst possible sacrifice,
the greatest possible pain
are the words left unsaid
and
love gone unprofessed.

They are the
dreams that never become a reality
and the
spirit left broken and unmended.

The
smiles left unsmiled
and
the chances gone untaken.

They are our regrets, our what if's and our if only's.
They are what COULD have been.

Ok, on a less emo note (not for long), uni's started, and all of a sudden, replacing the excitment is now what i call my "blah" feeling. like i mean, what the hell was so exciting about getting back into STUDYING!? All the countless assignments, deadlines, presentations, and as i have newly found out, and ABUNDANCE of reading...God help me. Orientation was pretty alright, the first day was nothing short of miserable beacuse of the rain. It wasn't too nice scuttling around in puddles of H2O and getting splattered with every step. But yea, on the whole, it was alright.

Honeslty, whats all the hype with uni about? I feel tired just thinking about it now. Alright, i know i sound really emo, and SO not like my usual, optimistic, upbeat self, but after what happened on tuesday (i dont really want to talk about it), i'm not too keen on the whole "looking into the future and tryin to map out my dreams. I thought it was all behind me. The worrying about when it was gonna happen, the insecurities about being under the weather, the annoyance of having to be escorted everywhere cause you can't really be trusted around urself. I thought i'd said good bye to all of that, but apparently not. Surprise surprise!!

I wanna just wish it all away. Please, take it back. For once, i just wanna be normal. and love is good, but too much love that borders on babying? It can drive you insane. and i can see myself headed in that direction.

It all comes to an end. Full Stop.

Tuesday night on the Melbourne train tracks marked yet another successful suicide attempt, and if memory serves me right, this is approximately the 5th attempt of putting an end to ones life via the tracks. And i know, that suicide has become such a cilched, common event that most people do no more than feel a small shred of sympathy for the deceased, being content to merely force it into the back of their minds as yet another failure at life.

From what happened however, i have now realised that people in this world fall into 2 categories.

1) The group of people who feel mournful at another lost life, wondering what could have gone so direly amiss which led to such an extreme solution.

AND

2) The group of people who feel nothing more than vast irritation and anger for the disruption that the suicide has caused to their daily lifes and routines, wondering why the person coudn't have found some other place or time to take their life.

Let me just say for the record, that people like these are despicable in my eyes, and the term "human" should under no circumstances be used to describe them, cause honestly? Anyone with even a small shred of humanity could never, under any circumstance be so selfish, narcissistic, and egoistical. Its just plain disgusting...

I'm so tired...

Tired of being sorry.
Tired of apologising.
Tired of making mistakes i have to apologise for.
Tired of caring enough to apologise.
Tired of caring.
Tired of never being good enough.
Tired of wanting to be good.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of having to try so hard.
Tired of trying.

I'm just so tired. Why can't I just simply not feel enough to care?
Why oh why?

I walked down that muddy slope, just as i had done a countless number of times before i had graduated, giving way to the view of the locker bay that we had so frequently visited. Before, after and in between school hours to diposit and collect books, to catch up with the latest goings on in the lifes of our peers, or to simply take a much craved 5 minute break from the hustle and bustle of school life. I then proceeded to take a right hand turn as i had done so many times previously, which brought me to the entrance of the VCE centre that had been pretty much our refuge from the cold during the autumn and winter terms, our second home for the last 2 years of high school.

It was then that i finally gave way to this overwhelming sense of nostalgia which did nothing short of engulf my senses. It was then that the realisation that things were never going to be the same ever again, hit me. And however much i was looking forward to the start of the rest of my life, my future, i couldnt help but be wrenched back by this sense of reluctance to leave the past behind. To say a final farewell to the comfortable and secure cocoon this place had bestowed upon me for the last two years.

The familiar faces, the recurring sounds, the routine life we had become accustomed to. Its hard to leave the past behind. Hard to step out of your comfort zone into a world you know nothing about, where unpredictability and unstability reign supreme, and are merely a norm that its residents had now succumed to. Where theres no handbook or guide to murmur instructions into your ear every step of the way. When you have to start all over, its infuriating and trepidating as hell. Atleast it is for me, but as i said goodbye to the people i had seen almost everyday for the last 2 years, my mates, my teachers, the surroundings, i finally realised. Realised that it was going to be alright. That i didnt have to leave it all behind, that i could take it with me. and that, needless to say, provided me with some much needed comfort.

And somehow, as i walked out of school for the last time, finally managing to say goodbye to it, to the haven it had provided me with for so long, i knew that it had simply been a pit stop. One i'll cherish forever, but that i have to step out of if i wanted to embrace my dreams. I guess now, after all this time, i'm ready.

I always knew goodbyes were hard, and this just served as an accentuation of that fact, but what i failed to realise up till now, is that hello's are just as challenging.